Another pearler from my mother (who was the one querying why scientists didn't use computers to predict the eruption of Vesuvius * )

The scene: My mother and father watching their new favourite tv show, Preshistoric Park. You know, the one with all the groovy COMPUTER GENERATED dinosaurs and megafauna and stuff.

The action: The park guys bring back a wooly mammoth through the portal. A big hairy beast, it steps blinking into the bright noonday sun.

My mother: "Oh that poor thing! They should clip it or something. That's just cruel!"

My father: *blinks*
My father: "Uh..."

My mother: "Oh dear. Never mind"

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* Which occurred in AD 79. Yeah...

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We also have my entry for the 'Weirdest / most useless / just downright ZANY book from the Lifeline Bookfair' comp.

I don't know how it's going to compare with Zoe's 'Transvestite World & Romance' magazine (because seriously, that's fucking unreal), but here it goes.

For the princely sum of two dollah, I give you the noble art of:

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Yup.

Margarine modelling. With some butter thrown in for good measure.

Y'all haven't LIVED until you've crafted a lifesize bust of Henry Lawson out of emulsified animal and vegetable fats.

It tells you how to get his prominent nose just right.

Awesome.